Roomates

My mom has the middle bed in a room with two other patients. I have requested the bed by the window for her numerous times. Every time they change her roommates, they never put her by the window. They also have a tendency to stick some real winners in with my mom.

Right now she's being bullied by a woman with late-stage Alzheimer's. This woman goes through mom's dresser drawers, eats her mixed nuts and finger paints feces all over the room. On more than one occasion, she has smeared feces all over the bathroom, making it unusable. I know she can't help it, but they need to have someone watching this woman. It is not my mother's job to babysit her. She's got her own problems. If my mom says anything to this woman about going through her stuff, she gets mad and waves her off.

One of her roommates was epileptic. When this young woman had a seizure, it scared Mom to death. She shot out into the hall on her power chair to get help, and to get away. She had never seen anyone have a seizure before. Then there was the roommate that died. Mom was in her own bed when the paramedics came and tried to revive this woman. She is being traumatized by all of these unpleasant experiences and it's all my fault. If I were not suffering from depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, panic disorder and anxiety disorder, I could have a job or two where I would make enough money to get her the hell out of there. I'm such a disappointment. Such a failure...

When the Credit Union takes this house, I've already made up my mind. I will not be homeless. I will die first. Depending on how long the foreclosure proceedings take, I've got about that long to live. Life has been kicking my ass since I was born. I have suffered every form of abuse from men that I trusted: physical, sexual, emotional, psychological and verbal. I have fought tooth and nail to believe in myself for just a second longer to find the strength to keep going. I have an order of protection against the only brother that I have. My dad passed away in 2008 from liver disease. My family has been demolished, and now this. I've always been able to fix everything. I can't fix this, and there just isn't any point to anything anymore.