Yesterday, my mom went into the hospital for the transfusion that I knew she needed two weeks ago. It's infuriating when medical professionals won't listen to family members when they know without a doubt there's something wrong with their loved ones. Mom needed three pints of blood, but they infused it too fast (for her). The rapid increase in blood volume made it difficult for her to breathe, so now they are keeping her until they can improve her ability to breathe before they will release her back to the nursing home.
The hospital is several miles away in Waukegan, Illinois. As it is difficult for me to acquire transportation, I will not be able to see her until she is released back into the nursing home. I hate being apart from her as it is, but at least I could walk to see her. When I took her clean clothes to her on Thursday and picked up her laundry, Mom commented that she wanted to cook a turkey and bake some cookies. She frowned at me and said, "This isn't going to be much of a Christmas." I told her that as long as I still had her with me, that was all the present I needed.
Mom loves the holidays. She loves all the cooking, baking and decorating that always went along with them. Now it's just the nursing home life 24/7, her body too compromised to allow her to enjoy those things the way she once did. She used to dance around the kitchen, and always try to grab me and make me dance with her. She and my dad were amazing to watch when they danced. People would stop and smile at them as they jitterbugged around the floor. Now there's only a stump where her right leg used to be, and part of her left foot is soon to be amputated.
You wouldn't believe the shadowy images of her life as it once was that swirl all around my mom as I watch her maneuver her power chair slowly down the hall. I want her to jump up and take me by the hands and dance with me the way she used to, happy and whole, gliding into her golden years with the health and vitality that should have been her right. Big Tobacco stole everything away from us, and I hate them for it. I hate them so much for what they've done.
I am really sorry you are having to deal with so much right now. I know sometimes it feels like no one is listening to what you have to say in cyber land. I think many people find it difficult to know what to write that will be helpful to the other person. I am no exception to that rule. But I will be thinking of you.
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